Garden Shredder

(Written when Frodo was three months old.)

FOR SALE

GARDEN SHREDDER

Entire gardens demolished in 15 minutes. Flower beds dug assiduously (also lawns). Well established plants uprooted. Roses pruned in and out of season. Livestock expertly chewed (eg snails; also any people within range). Birds and cats chased out. Ornamental arbours carefully decorated from our extensive range of strangled flower pots, unemployed curtain rails, retired J-cloths, dismembered egg-boxes, rotten sticks and rubber toys. Ponds emptied.

Also works indoors. Antique furniture, particularly tasselled, a speciality. Knobs gnawed. Offices rearranged without your needing to be present. Waste paper and laundry baskets emptied regularly every half hour. Toilet rolls unravelled to save you the trouble. Telephone leads shortened to reduce phone bills. Beer cans punctured to reduce pressure. Unsightly tea towels removed once and for all free of charge.

All yours for £5 (or whatever you will accept).

Please apply to Martin or Barbara (reference "Frodo").

MBM,

B/W 22.7.99.

(Parish magazine of St John the Baptist, Purbrook, October 1999)

.