Films

There are four sorts of film: Westerns, War Films, Thrillers and Romances, which may be classified as follows.

In Westerns the Goodies and Baddies are easily distinguished from the beginning, and can be identified in advance by the actors who play them, who are usually the same in each film. Further, for ease of comprehension, all Westerns have the same plot, as well as the same location, Monument Valley. At the end, all the Goodies are to be found vertical at one end of the Main Street, while all the Baddies are horizontal at the other. The ending has however two variants. In the first, one of the Goodies has a bleeding right arm. In the second, there is only one Goody, played by John Wayne, whose arm is intact, and about twenty Baddies, but the other details are unchanged.

In War Films, Goodies and Baddies are equally easy to identify, by their helmets. In War Films the Goodies always win, even if, like the Baddies, they mostly end up horizontal.

Thrillers have one Goody who is identified before the start by name, e.g. Poirot, Marple, Wimsey or Morse. They have one Baddy whose identity is concealed until the end, and which is always a surprise. Thrillers are distinguished from other films, in that viewers are required to use their intelligence. At the end the Goody is always vertical, ready for the next film; the fate of the Baddy is usually left to the imagination.

Romances, like Westerns, have all essentially the same plot. There are two Goodies, one male and one female. Baddies are optional and, if present, are usually eliminated by the end. As to whether the Goodies end up vertical or horizontal, it would probably not be proper to comment.

MBM,

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